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I love children but only my own

February 28, 2012  |   Posted by :   |   Blog

Here’s the thing:  If you choose to wage an unholy war with your spouse or partner you will have to believe that there is a fair, impartial Judge who will see things from your point of view and decide what is best for your children. After all the Children Act 1989 puts the welfare of the child as paramount.  But the truth is even the most fair minded and experienced of judges don’t love your children can’t know your kids as well as their parents and while the answer is obvious to you, it may not be to someone who knows absolutely nothing about you, your spouse or your children.

When you make an application to the court, unless there are real welfare issues the best you can hope is a court ordered  ‘Wishes and Feelings’ report if the children are old enough.  The children will then be interrogated by a CAFCASS reporter thus putting them squarely in the middle of your war. Then what?  Whatever the children say will be considered but won’t be definitive. If you as parents can’t decide what’s best for your children, how do you expect someone else to. The judge will make an order that in all probability neither of you will like and your life from hereon will regulated by court order.  You can be pretty certain whatever the outcome it is going to cost you dear both in terms of cold hard cash, emotional trauma and the freedom to make the decisions that you know are best for your family.

All the research shows, that children want their mum and dad to be together but more than that whether together or apart they just don’t want them to fight.

So if you must fight, keep it away from the children and take it to a safe place. No matter how angry you are with your spouse, it is far better to try and work out an agreement that you can both live with. Before you do anything else get in touch with a good mediator. 

 

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