The Child Support Agency has just released its list of the ten worst excuses used by parents for not paying child support. I have been trying to decide which one is my favourite. The ostrich and the vet come close. On the other hand the man who changed his name and claimed he didn’t have to pay because he wasn’t the person on the birth certificate must get a prize for ingenuity. This is the current top ten:
1. “I’m not paying another penny. I’ve already bought my child a pick-and-mix this week”, complained one.
2. Another said he could not pay for his children because he had to take his ostrich to the vet.
3. A footballer earning £4,000 a week said the cost of keeping his Ferrari on the road meant he wasn’t able to pay off his arrears.
4. One man said “I paid for her breast enhancement – and her new boyfriend is getting the benefit. I’m not paying child maintenance on top.”
5. A man rang the agency to say he couldn’t be the child’s father because the woman who filed the claim was too ugly.
6. Several have said it was against their human rights to have money deducted from their salaries.
7. “I’m not liable to pay child support because I’m no longer the person named on the child’s birth certificate,” was the excuse of one man – after he had changed his name by deed poll.
8. Hundreds respond to arrears notices saying “the dog ate my wage slips and letters from the CSA”.
9. A father who had undergone a sex change becoming a woman argued she should not have to pay because she is not the man who fathered the children.
10. And finally, another claimed he didn’t officially exist any more because he was on the ‘witness protection programme’. He wasn’t and was made to pay.